Consultant Moose and my Sexy Specs

So, whadda ya think?  These are my new specs.  I have near perfect eyesight, but I spent £120 on these specs and I’m really hoping they are worth it!

A few blog posts ago, you may have read my musing on Amitriptyline and how just ten poxy milligrams were making my face fall off, but doing bum all for my head pains.  A trip to the neurologist was infuriating!  I sat there whilst some sanctimonious moose of a consultant told me that I have a severe case of migraine that can be cured with shit loads more Amitriptyline and ‘lifestyle changes’.  Hmm.. ok, here is my lifestyle…

  • I drink numerous bottles of water every single day
  • I drink decaffeinated tea and never coffee
  • I have a stress free job and home-life lately
  • I do not drink alcohol daily, just socially
  • I do not smoke
  • I NEVER touch recreational drugs, only prescribed ones, and often, not even those..
  • I exercise every day
  • I get fresh air and walk the dogs twice a day
  • I fall asleep before 11pm most nights and sleep till 7am; when I am not in pain

Please Mrs Consultant, who I have explained my lifestyle to… what would you have me change?  The bitch took my tea and Paracetamol off me…I’m not kidding!

Robbed from Instagram – will be getting this printed onto a T-Shirt ready for my next appointment with the Consultant Moose

So, after calling the consultant every name under the blushing sun all the way home, I went online and bought myself a £354 massage chair and booked myself in for an eye-test.  Clutching at straws, perhaps, but as with any sufferers of chronic illness, you learn that the majority of medical intervention causes more harm than good!

My massage chair arrived a few days later.  It’s brill.  It beats the crap out of my back muscles to the point of it being almost painful, and is not relaxing at all, but the tension throughout my body afterwards is definitely reduced.  As the thing is so brutal, nobody in my family wants to use it, which means I can grimace away to my hearts content.

As for the eye-test, I thought that perhaps my ten hours a day minimum of computer use may be a reason for my head pains, or at least a contributor.    I explained my symptoms to the lovely ladies at Boots Opticians and how my eyesight is actually amazeballs (Yay, something that works) but I was there to eliminate causes.  Filling out the medical questionnaire, it transpired that, because both my Dad and paternal grandfather have Glaucoma, and because I am now forty, I qualify for free eye-tests.  The Scrooge side of me was chuffed to be getting a freebie, but the horror of being ‘of an age’ where I am entitled to something free, made me literally step back in horror.  Fuck. Am I old now?

specs 3
Dent in my forehead is from the clamp thingies. Eye-bags are courtesy of Amitriptyline, head pain and apparently, my ‘lifestyle’ choices *tut*

I stuck my head in this weird melon support thing whilst a puff of air shot into my eyeballs to measure the pressures. – no problems.  I stuck my head into another contraption where I had to count how many lights I could see flashing, which measures the field of vision – no problems.  I smugly read the letters on the bottom line of a poster on a wall – no problems. I read from a book near my face – no problems.  The conclusion was then, perhaps my eyes were just tired from looking at the blue light of multiple device screens all day, every day.

A week on, and an appointment has come through for me to have a brain scan; which Consultant Moose had already assessed as being completely negative before I had even entered her office. Maybe the scan will reveal the cause, maybe it wont. In the meantime, I have foxy new glasses with purpley blue filters in them, purpley blue skin over knotless muscles on my back, a much lighter purse… and chronic head pains.



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